In the middle of the night, I awoke with a full-blown migraine - one of the kinds of migraines that used to stick around for weeks, even months.When I used to get these kinds of migraines, I would almost panic because of my history with them after the last brain injury. They were excruciating, debilitating, and effectively shut down my normal day-to-day functioning to the point where our entire family’s life had to adjust to accommodate me
Now, to be fair, I spent 12 hours of my life yesterday in a gym full of bright lights, loud crowds, loud music, and as much sensory stimulation as I think a human can endure :-). We entered the gym at 9 a.m. and left at 9 p.m.
I chose it and I’m glad I did.
So, when I awoke in the middle of the night with the mother of migraines, I wasn’t surprised.
And, I wasn’t afraid.
And, I wasn’t deciding how long it was going to stay. And, I wasn’t beating myself up for putting myself in a setting to get one of these babies.
I was just really aware that I had one.
I don’t have that migraine today.
Yes. That’s right. I don’t even have a slight headache.When I noticed that the migraine was present in the body, I wish I could tell you what happened and why it isn’t with me today.
But I can’t.
Not really.
I didn’t make it go away.
And, I didn’t make it stay.
So, what happened?
I really, really wish I could access what occurred more clearly than I can, but I have a vague outline.
Years ago, a friend loaned me the book “Zen in the Martial Arts” by Joe Hymas. In the book, Hymas tells the story of a martial arts master who severely injures his hand doing a demonstration and guides his hand back to healing by imagining little men coming to work on it each night before he would go to sleep and while he was asleep. His recovery was, by all accounts, miraculous and unprecedented.
When I was first reading this story, I immediately had a vision that I will re-tell at another time, one that led to incredible and almost instantaneous healing of several symptoms.
And I have invited similar imagery during different stages of healing with different ailments to great “success.”
But that’s not what I did last night.
At least, I didn’t do it intentionally.
All I did was give the migraine permission to exist - to be in my body - and I allowed my Self to become curious about it.
To calm my nervous system, I began to do 4-7-8 breathing (4 inhale, 7 hold, 8 exhale, repeat).
On the breath hold, I noticed a buzzing in my brain, electric and vibrating, accompanied by loud and hot ringing.
During perhaps the third cycle of 4-7-8 breathing, I could feel deeper and deeper into the brain, which was like dry ramen noodles closely bunched together.
As soon as I noticed this felt image of “ramen-ness,” warm fluid began to flow into and around the dry noodles, loosening them, and softening them until they were saturated with liquid and flexible to all subtle movements.
At this point, my consciousn awareness gave way to the deep unconscious awareness and, while I was very awake and alert in this state of consciousness, I was there as an observer rather than an active agent.
In this state, I was aware that there were three pillars of practice that I would cycle through over and over and over throughout the rest of the night.
They were clear and understandable and somatic, but I cannot articulate them in words.
I do remember reciting them so that I could write them down when I came to the fully waking state, but they did not translate into words.
Nor would I really want them to, because what happened wasn’t something that I can cause or intentionally repeat. At least, I don’t think so.
It was the creative unconscious doing what it does and I, somehow, was allowed to witness it unfolding as one witnesses a magic show or a sunrise or a sunset or a summer storm or falling snow or a river flowing.
I can take no credit for how it all transpired.
I have a hunch that becoming good friends with my body and mind and heart and soul through sustained practices of yoga nidra, mindfulness meditation, and guided meditation has at least something to do with it. But I don’t really know that. I can only surmise.
Just learning these practices has been a gift. Grace.
And sitting here today without a migraine is a gift. Grace.
Grace. Grace. Grace.
Peace.
