I’ll begin with the disclaimer that this piece should probably begin where it is ending, but it doesn’t, so here we go. Let’s see what happens.Kurt Vonnegut wrote, “I’m simply interested in what is going to happen next. I don’t think I can control my life or my writing. Every other writer I know feels he is steering himself, and I don’t have that feeling. I don’t have that sort of control. I’m simply becoming. I’m startled that I became a writer.”
Studying literacy and composition in my undergrad, Vonnegut was a writer with whom I often identified, not so much because of his writing, but because of his writing about writing.
His idea of “simply becoming” still speaks to me, although I hear it differently than I did 30 years ago. Messing around with language, I would probably say that I “simply am,” or maybe that I “simply am-ing” as I am simply becoming.
And, while there is a level that I can influence my life and writing, I do agree that I don’t so much control it. I am “simply am-ing” as I engage with the moments of life and the moments of writing.
Then there is that part where Vonnegut said he’s simply interested in what is going to happen next.But I’ve become more and more interested in what’s happening now, which maybe makes what happens next shine even more when that moment is now.
Maybe I should have chosen another quote :).
Let’s see. The steering part. Yeah. I agree. I don’t feel like I’m steering myself, at least not completely.
But much of the recent emphasis of my life has been geared toward becoming consciously aware of life, which has led to more conviction, lasting commitments, clearer goals, and maybe more steering.Well, I still like the quote, but I’m somewhere in both/and land, which also seems to be where I simply am-ing more and more in life.
I used to read this quote and quotes like it written by writers I admired and I would really feel it and want to fight for it and identify with it and say, “You got it right, Kurt! I’m like you!”
But now I know that I already am like Kurt. And I’m like “them”. I’m like us. I am-ing like us. And we are.
I suppose this short essay has devolved a bit, but it can’t be helped because what I began to write about was Kurt Vonnegut’s famous quote, “Write what you know” until I discovered that for the past 30 years I’ve been mis-attributing something to him that at least dates back to Mark Twain.
I’m sorry for many years of ignorance, Mr. Twain. It was at least honest. I will do better and someday, I will write about things that I know, things like simply becoming and letting go of control.
Tonight, though, I will just pass along the quote I should have begun with as a prelude of what was to come, is coming, and has now come:
“When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.”
Well, sometimes. :-)
Thanks anyway, Kurt. It feels good to be known.
Peace
