Okay this is a sad one. I wrote this song about four years ago when I was approaching the end of a postdoc fellowship and didn't yet have another job lined up, and was contemplating what to do if I wasn't able to continue my academic career. At the same time I was talking to my family back home about how my brother's health was failing, and the abysmal quality of care he was receiving because he had the misfortune of being poor in America's healthcare system. I wrote this song in maybe thirty minutes and recorded it in the voice memos on my iPad so that I'd remember it. It's not precisely about his situation or mine, but it's not NOT about that either.
For some reason the other day this song came back into my head, and I thought about rerecording it. When I went back to the iPad recording from four years ago, though, I found that I really liked it despite how noisy and rough it was - there was something about getting it down when all of those feelings were fresh that I really liked. So in the end I just added a bit of piano and a bit of organ to reinforce what was already there; other than that it's what I recorded on the day I wrote it.
Lyrics:
I command you to stand
hold your heart in your hands and say the words
you're falling to pieces, aren't you
calling for Jesus aren't you
what makes you think he's going to want you now?
I command you to lie
up all night asking why he made you
one of the world's worst dancers
and subject to all those cancers
don't settle for easy answers now
How long can you keep this going?
How long can you hold one single breath?
Got my list of demands
I hope the world understands why it's so long
when I've spent my whole life hunting
frequently finding something
but never could stop from wanting more
How long can I keep this going?
How long can I hold one single breath?
I command you to kneel
Tell the world that you feel neglected, it's
not that you want it easy, you
don't want their sympathies, but you
just need to know someone sees you try
How long can you keep this going?
How long can you hold that final breath?
