Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I if I’m not performing, not achieving, not making everyone else happy?”
That question has haunted me at different points in my own journey—and it’s the question my friend Alissa had to face head-on when everything she thought defined her was stripped away.
Alissa Boyhtari—now leading and creating beauty through her work at Superior Blooms—has lived through what many of us fear: the unraveling of identity.
Before flowers and leadership, her story was marked by perfectionism, people pleasing, and performance—first in school and sports, then in relationships. When life broke her open, she learned what it really means to rebuild with her worth rooted in Christ.
This conversation hit me deeply. I met Alissa through a painful chapter in my own life, after the passing of my niece, and I immediately saw the quiet strength and tenderness of her heart. Her story reminds us that even in the stripping, God is faithful.
💫 Key Themes + Takeaways
People pleasing often begins early—in childhood expectations, birth order, or unspoken pressures.
Achievement doesn’t equal love. Even when we know we’re loved, we can still feel unworthy of it.
Performance anxiety and identity are deeply intertwined. Alyssa’s journey through college athletics taught her what happens when our worth depends on how we perform.
God’s stripping is not punishment—it’s preparation. The loss of titles, roles, and relationships became the soil where faith and peace could finally take root.
Healing is slow but beautiful. From coaching young athletes to creating floral art for weddings, Alyssa’s story proves that restoration often blooms where we least expect it.
🕊️ Our Favorite Quotes
“I was doing everything right—and still wrong.”
“Being still doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means trusting that He’s God, and you are His.”
“God’s peace didn’t come when I quit performing—it came when I stopped trying to earn His love.”
“I am not what I do. I am who He says I am.”
“The stripping wasn’t cruelty. It was God’s way of getting my attention.”
⏱️ Chapter Markers
00:00 — When the striving starts young: The roots of perfectionism
07:00 — “Doing everything right—and still wrong”
18:00 — College athletics and the cost of performance
26:00 — Burnout, injury, and the unraveling of identity
33:00 — Quitting what once defined you
43:00 — Learning to be still when God feels silent
49:00 — The relationship that broke her—and how she found herself again
1:10:00 — Flowers, faith, and finding purpose again
1:19:00 — A marriage rooted in peace, not performance
💭 Your Turn
This week’s reflection: Where are you being invited to be still—not to quit, not to hide, but to trust that God is working even when you can’t see the outcome?
Take a moment to write this out: “If I am not what I do, then who am I in Him?”
💛 Let’s Stay Connected
I really do mean it when I say: my DMs are always open.
✨ Got a story to share? A moment that hit home? Slide in anytime.
Here’s where to find me and go deeper:
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/jessica_hustleandheartsalon/
Podcast blog → https://hustleandheartsalon.com/blog/
Salon home → https://hustleandheartsalon.com/
