Episode Summary:
Joe Gidjunis, creator of the PBS documentary series "Grown Up Dad," joins Chance Seales to explore what it means to be a father in the modern era. Their conversation reveals why this might be the best time in history to be a dad, while acknowledging the unique challenges and opportunities that come with contemporary fatherhood.
Meet Joe
Joe Gidjunis is a filmmaker and father who created the documentary series "Grown Up Dad" for PBS. The series explores the complexities of modern fatherhood through five episodes covering topics like maintaining friendships, affording childcare, gender roles, and managing screen time. Joe lives in Philadelphia with his wife, nine-year-old son Gabe, and their dog.
Grown Up Dad is a nonprofit endeavor. You can help them explore more facets of fatherhood through donations.
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Key Topics Discussed:
Personal Journeys and Family Dynamics:
Joe and Chance reflect on their relationships with their own fathers and how those experiences shaped their approach to parenting. Joe discusses his father's "drive-by parenting" style, working out of town and being present only 2-3 days per month during Joe's childhood. This absence motivated Joe to pursue a more engaged approach with his own son.
The Search for Role Models:
The conversation takes an unexpected turn when Joe reveals his primary parenting inspiration: Bandit Heeler from the Australian animated series "Bluey." Joe argues that Bandit represents the best-written TV dad in history.
Age and Perspective in Parenting:
Joe became a father at 33, his wife at 35. They explore how older parenthood can bring advantages like greater emotional maturity, financial stability, and life perspective, while acknowledging the energy advantages of younger parents.
Equity in Household Responsibilities:
Joe reframes the concept of household equity, arguing it's not about maintaining perfect 50-50 splits but rather about partners working together to reach 100% as a team. He emphasizes that some days both parents might only have 20% energy to give, requiring creative collaboration to meet family needs.
Social Connections and Male Friendship:
A significant portion of the conversation addresses the challenge of maintaining friendships as fathers.
Key insights include:
- Men often rely on their wives for social connections
- Making friends as an adult requires intentional effort and skills not taught in traditional settings
- Joe's prescription: "couples night every Friday and guys night every other weekend"
- The former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy's research on loneliness particularly affects men
- Men typically prefer activity-based bonding over conversation-focused socializing
Practical Takeaways for Fathers:
- Give yourself permission to maintain and create new friendships as an adult
- Engage in activity-based bonding opportunities
- Be intentional about scheduling social time
- Consider joining leagues, clubs, or organized activities
- Use children's activities as networking opportunities
Household Management:
- Think of equity as reaching 100% as a team, not perfect 50-50 splits
- Communicate openly about energy levels and capacity
- Share both fun activities and challenging responsibilities
- Model collaboration for children
Quality Time with Children
- Focus on being present for short, meaningful periods rather than perfect all-day parenting
- Find activities that naturally encourage conversation
- Express both love and genuine enjoyment of your children's company
- Address competitive behavior and perfectionism early
Personal Development:
- Evaluate what worked and didn't work in your own upbringing
- Be intentional about defining your fathering approach
- Seek inspiration from unexpected sources
- Make time for personal interests and friendships
