LETTER: Unparented

Description

CONTENT WARNING: This letter and episode mentions abuse and disordered eating. Please be aware before continuing to listen, and feel welcome to skip this episode if needed. Several resources are linked at the bottom of this page. This week we're sharing a letter from "Unparented." Our letter writer reflects on her relationship with her mother, and the challenges she faced throughout her childhood. Follow us on Instagram! @lettersforgirlspod

Jess and Tara share the cycles that they are breaking from their own childhoods, the ways they are trying to parent differently.

Jess shares her techniques for staying present and calm through big emotions or high stress moments, and mentions using singing as a strategy. Shout out to Ms Rachel's "Big Feelings Are Okay."

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10182780/

https://www.singupfoundation.org/about-singing-for-mental-health/understanding-singing-for-mental-health/singing-health#:~:text=Singing%20lowers%20cortisol%20and%20relieves,lowers%20stress%20and%20anxiety%20levels.

We discuss what we're choosing to embrace and trying to repeat for our own kids.

Our parents were doing the best with the tools they had at the time, and that not wanting to repeat cycles doesn't diminish the value of all the the things they got right.

We discuss how we reparent ourselves by feeding your inner child with joy (and snacks), picturing your childhood self, or being the parent to "little you."

Tara shares some of her tools for reparenting herself including being mindful of her thoughts, welcoming in her emotions and noticing the mind-body connection between emotions and stress and how they can be felt in the body.

Tara references the quote: "I allow my fear to live and breathe and stretch out its legs comfortably. It seems to me that the less I fight my fear, the less it fights back. If I can relax, fear relaxes, too. In fact, I cordially invite fear to come along with me everywhere I go.” - Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Reparenting references: https://cptsdfoundation.org/2020/07/27/reparenting-to-heal-the-wounded-inner-child/

https://acawso.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/REPARENTING-1-10.pdf

https://positivepsychology.com/reparenting/

Jess mentions the movie, Inside Out (2015).

Jess mentions the movie, "My Old Ass" (2024) written and directed by Megan Park, as a fun way to jump into the idea of "reparenting" yourself.

Tara shares stats on family violence and abuse from Statistics Canada, and disordered eating, linked below.

Tara shares a quote about feeling mothered by so many women throughout her life from @marriageandmartini on Instagram.

Abuse resources:

https://www.un.org/en/coronavirus/what-is-domestic-abuse

https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence/services.html

https://rcmp.ca/en/relationship-violence/intimate-partner-violence-and-abuse

https://www.domesticshelters.org/en-ca/domestic-abuse-help-in-canada