Learn how you and your partner can set the groundwork for a healthy, happy marriage while you are planning your wedding!
As wedding planners, we delve into the logistics of wedding planning. Obviously. We work with people in the middle of a stressful, exciting time of their lives. A wedding is a big deal! We believe that the event of a wedding should be an elevated moment in your life. We also have been around a while, and as married people ourselves, we know that the real work is in the marriage, not the wedding planning.
In this episode, we are NOT the experts! We are learning right along with you, dear listeners. Dr. Magdalena Fosse (all information in the links below) is a sex and relationship therapist based in Cambridge, MA, and in this episode, she schools us. Cliff Notes: IT’S ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION.
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Big Takeaways
Communication is key, absolutely.
More couples seek therapy in crisis, rather than as a proactive way to get on the same page, or develop healthy tools. So when crisis does strike, and it will, the partners don’t even know where to begin unraveling the mess and coming to terms about how to move forward.
One key to success lies in gratitude, and perspective. John Gottman’s theory is the ratio of negative to positive should be 1 to 5. The small, positive interactions with your partner, in your life together, should outweigh the negative ones by 5.
4 signs that your relationship may be in big trouble: Contempt, Defensiveness, Criticism, Stone-Walling.
Make sure you are affirming your partner.
Two topics Magdalena thinks every couple should openly address: Pleasure and Expectations about sex. This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with! You gotta be open and honest about this stuff!
The presence of conflict is not the problem in a relationship. It’s normal, natural and present. The absence of repair is the problem.
Slow down! Learn how to prevent a big escalation together. Practice makes perfect. Get better, as a couple, after each argument or tough discussion. And remember – if things between you two are ‘good’ 70-80% of the time, you’re doing great! Consistency is key.
Links we referenced
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Hosted and produced by Michelle Martinez
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