Enjoying the show? Support our mission and help keep the content coming by buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deepdivepodcastIt’s the simple question that dominates celebrity headlines and dating apps: Is age really just a number? Dating shows are putting this exact question to the ultimate test, fueling an explosion of reality TV built entirely around age gap drama, from Netflix series to viral HGTV episodes. We look at the television obsession that constantly feeds into tired, wild stereotypes, from "cougar needs a den for her cub" to the shocking revelation of Mary Cosby's arranged marriage to her step-grandfather.
We pivot from TV tropes to the actual psychology behind it all. For the longest time, evolutionary psychology provided the standard explanation: older men seek younger women for fertility, and younger women seek older men for resources. But according to experts, we're in the middle of a major shift as society and media normalize older women dating younger men.
The conversation is completely upended by groundbreaking real-world data. We analyze a massive study from UC Davis that tracked 4,500 real-life blind dates, revealing a huge disconnect between the age people say they want in a partner and who they are actually attracted to in person.
Here is the bombshell finding: The study revealed that both men and women show a slight but consistent preference for partners who are younger than them—about a 55% chance of preferring a younger partner. Furthermore, the age preferences people wrote on their dating profiles were meaningless when it came to real-life attraction, and income had absolutely no effect on this preference. This data defies the stereotypes we see on TV and the assumptions of traditional evolutionary models.
If real-life attractions defy stereotypes, why do we still see the older man/younger woman trope so much more often? Researchers believe it’s not about personal preference, but about societal norms that dictate who is considered an acceptable partner at a given age.
However, maybe our focus on romantic age gaps is a distraction. When we shift our focus from romance to community, the value of intergenerational connections becomes undeniable. Research shows that age gaps in mentorship, family, and community strengthen society, allowing wisdom and experience to be passed down.
This leaves us with a final, challenging question: If we instinctively celebrate the value of age differences in every other part of our lives—in mentorship, in community, in our families—why do we rush to judge them in love?
