For a long time, I believed being needed meant being loved. That showing up, giving more than I had, and being endlessly useful was just the cost of connection. But lately, something in me has shifted — and this morning, it came out in one sentence:
“God, I am tired of being harvested by people who never planted anything in me.”
In this episode of Back Porch, I talk about what it means to stop trading yourself for connection. To stop bleeding out in relationships that only love your fruit but never ask how your roots are doing. This isn’t about one person. It’s about a pattern — one that I’m finally breaking.
With honesty and vulnerability, I unpack the deep grief that comes when you stop performing and start telling the truth. About who stayed. About who disappeared. About what it costs to finally set boundaries that don’t need a press release.
And maybe most of all — what it looks like to stop overgiving and start rebuilding.
Why being useful isn’t the same as being loved
How to recognize when you’re trading yourself for connection
What healthy mutuality actually sounds and feels like
The slow, quiet exits that protect your peace
What it means to reclaim presence over performance
The difference between being harvested and being tended
Why the garden is closed — and why that’s not bitterness, it’s self-respect
If you’d like to go deeper, join me on Patreon for behind-the-scenes reflections, extended writings, and access to the Porchlight Circle: patreon.com/JenniferShatzer
Learn more about me, my writing, and future projects: JenniferShatzer.com
Instagram: @thejennifershatzer
Facebook: facebook.com/thejennifershatzer
As always, with space and a little salty grace… until the next time the porch lights blink.
