STAYING
A friend of mine cut contact with her mom two years ago. Everyone said, "Good for you. You deserve peace. You don't owe her anything." And for a while… it looked like freedom.Last week, her mom had a stroke. She sat in the hospital hallway, her hands shaking, realizing she’d spent two years building a wall she now couldn't cross.There’s this trend now—cutting contact with your parents—and it’s being celebrated as strength. Self-care. Boundaries. Finally choosing yourself. And I get it. Some parents are cruel. Some relationships are dangerous.But I’ve noticed something else. The people who cut ties hoping for peace… often carry the same weight. Same tightness in the chest. Same conversations looping in their head. Just now… no way to resolve it. And no time left to try.My neighbor is 70.
His son hasn’t spoken to him in five years. "Over something I said," he told me. "I don’t even remember what." He sits on his porch every evening, phone in his lap, just in case.I’m not saying parents are perfect. Mine aren't. But they’re aging. Every time I see my dad, his hands shake a little more. My mom forgets words mid-sentence.
And I think: How many conversations do we have left? Ten? Twenty?If I spend those conversations punishing them for not being who I wanted them to be—what am I left with when they’re gone?Yes, they made mistakes.
Yes, they hurt me. But they gave me life. They carried me, worried for me, and stayed up at night before I ever had a choice. They are aging, fragile, human—and still, they deserve more than silence.There’s this guy I know. His dad still criticizes everything. Every visit, same script. He goes anyway. Once a month. Brings tea. I asked him why.
"Because he won’t be here forever," he said. "And I don't want to stand at his funeral wishing I’d spent less time being right, and more time just... being his son.
"We think we’re protecting ourselves by keeping distance. But we’re also running out the clock on the only relationship we can never replace. You can't get new parents. You can't rewind.You can only decide—right now, while they’re still here—whether you want to spend what's left holding grudges, or holding their hand.They may never become who we needed. They may never say the words we waited for.
Still—they gave us life before we ever had a choice to walk away.And one day, sooner than we think, they will be gone. What we live with after that will matter more than who was right.Right now. While there is still time. In the next phone call you’re thinking of ignoring.
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