In this episode, Dave’s bargain-bin Microsoft Word TTS avatar — a digital host who proudly reminds listeners he chose the cheapest voice available because he’s a “cheap bastard” — introduces a wild, humorous tour through Essentialism and Existentialism. After mocking Dave’s budget choices and asking whether listeners need string cheese, the TTS narrator breaks down the two big philosophical camps: Essentialism, where humans come preloaded with a cosmic user manual no one can find, and Existentialism, where meaning is DIY and responsibility hits like a broken GPS. With perfume jokes, IKEA disasters, Sartre suffering at the DMV, Aristotle baffled by a Cybertruck, and Camus losing his Absurdism at Starbucks, the episode shows why these ancient ideas still matter — and why both philosophies collapse the moment they meet real life.
