Hold on just one second here, you unintelligible moronic high voiced dweeb! You know nothing about the sport of pro wrestling and you know nothing about these fine competitors coming out today. So I'm gonna do all the Lounge Lizards a great favor. I'm gonna introduce all of the contestants in the Steel Cage Lounge battle royal. Let's face it, one of these fine contestants will get a chance to watch Slamboree 1998. They'll never win it, but tonight you're gonna see a great match from a great competitor. Let's get down to the list here...
- Coming out first, this guy used to be a great bartender, but it hasn't translated into his wrestling skills, he is the scourge of the illustrious Fal family, he is Sugar Shane Falco, maybe a two in ten chance of winning.
- Coming out next, from New England, this is a rags to riches story, from selling chimichangas on the streets to WCW is Deebo!
- Then we got Farmer. He can't afford a mask, he's using paint, but sooner or later he's gonna buy a mask, I'm guaranteein' you that.
- Here we go, the winner of the Lou Ferrigno look-alike-contest, The Great Joe Tropea.
- Coming out next is the world light featherweight pacer champion, BDal.
- Now this guy pulled up in a nice rusted out '68 El Camino Chevy, he's the ugliest man in our sport today, he's the illustrious Robstoybox.
- A former champion in many countries, he's gonna rock rock til he drops, rock rock never stop, Smitty T Mockingbird, ladies and gentlemen.
- Coming up next from Allentown, PA. He's a lost and lonely soul, his name is The Doctor. And Doctor, I've got some Calamine lotion for you after the show!
- This guy's the true shooter of WCW, does he have a chance? No, zero chance, no way, he's Caveman, ladies and gents.
- Oh yeah, straight from New Jersey, I want my Lover Boy tape back, Robby Bloodshed.
- And of course we've got Tyback, he's got a lot of hubcaps in his collection, if you need one, he'll procure one for you after the show.
Those are your contestants in tonight's battle royal, I'm going in the back for a coffee cause none of these guys will never EVER beat me for my belt!"
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