Catching feelings-
He told me he loved me last night
I wanted to ask how
I wanted to ask why
I wanted him to explain it as if I was a math equation and love was the answer to solving me
fixing me but it's not
I'm sorry
I don't even say I'm sorry anymore
I just shut up quiet down
No one will hear me leave
Because I wont dare make a sound
I don't like talking about myself
Except in poetry, somehow it feels more filtered there
like not the ugly coffee grounds I have wont make it into your coffee in the morning
Maybe he doesn't love me he just loves the idea of me
I'm afraid
I don't even say I am afraid these days
My mouth shivers with anxiety
and no one ever gets that close to me
but he's getting close to me, falling in love with me
or so he says
I'm paranoid
scared he'll find the real me behind every carefully placed brick of this wall,
scared he'll not like what he sees
or worse,
scared he'll actually love me
and I hate me,
I don't tell him this
but I do believe he knows this
I don't know how anyone could love someone who won't even bother liking themselves.
I think I am ugly
Except when he calls me pretty
I feel like crying in his arms honestly
Am I really allowed to have the answer this time?
Maybe I'm not meant to be solved
I'm not some project after all.
Maybe I am not afraid or sorry that he loves me
Maybe I'm just scared to love me.
January 12 2019
Kiss me
Kiss me with your smile
Ask me to stay awhile
Kiss me in the moonlight
Tell me it's alright
Kiss me with one hand on my waist the other on my butt
Kiss me because you don't give a fuck
Kiss me with your words
Kiss me because it means everything
Kiss me because you want to
Kiss me like you knew it was right
Kiss me like your life depends on it
Kiss me like tomorrow won't come
Kiss me because maybe we'll have another day to kiss again
Kiss me sloppily
Kiss me with those wet soft lips I've always wanted to taste
Kiss me as were laughing
Kiss me while we're crying
Kiss me before we sleep
Kiss me as we are waking up
Kiss me in the rain
Kiss me in the sunshine
Kiss me no matter the weather
Kiss me cause you like to kiss me I'd like to kiss you,
I'd like to know what your lips on mine feel like
I wanna kiss you no matter the weather
Kiss you in the rain
Kiss you in the snow
Kiss you and not let go
Kiss you as you fall asleep
Kiss you as your eyes return to open
Kiss you in the middle of the song while you're singing
Kiss you as you begin to giggle
Kiss you to know what it's like to kiss you
Kiss you when you need comfort
Kiss you when you need quiet
Kiss you because we might not get another day
Kiss you because we still have tomorrow
Kiss you even if some say it's wrong
Kiss you feircely
Kiss you and have it not mean anything
I'll kiss you because I want to because I need to
I kiss you for awhile
Till we're both left with smiles
Kissing you in the sun light
Kiss me and it feels right
Kiss me and I'll kiss you.
Falling in love on the foot path
I wanna lay in the grass
As you exhale the breeze
Your breathe against my neck is calming to me
Can I get lost in your scent?
The way birds lose track of flying when they sing their song.
Will you hold me safely but not too closely just enough but still with space to grow
Just enough to know someone needs me
Will you try not to forget me the way we forget the sun when it rains
Can we wash the tears down the drain
I wanna fall asleep next to you, eyes met, no regret with nothing to do
Am I worthy of table for two
Of the love you give so sweetly
Can we just be here existing, maybe kissing, are you listening to the way I'm learning to be okay
Do you care, because I'm oh so aware, that if I dare, be honest and open I might scare you away.
I feel exhausting from the changing sensations, the spikes in tempature, leaves falling becoming snow, I just hope you won't get sick of me
Don't let go
Love is natural
I've been told it comes from within
But do the fish ever forget how to swim?
Can I like being in my skin
I'm trying to want
