“Independent Black Woman”
I believe this is a phrase, perhaps not coined by us, but one repeated by us as a salve to ease the distress of being unloved, unprotected and unprovided for.
Let’s define our term:
Independent -not needing another, not reliant on another
How is this a healthy means to live? More to the point, is it even possible to exist without relying on others? I should say it is not.
We take WIC (Women Infants and Children) a federal program giving us food for our babies.
We use our state’s Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) to obtain healthcare.
We use food banks and take advantage of school nutrition programs.
We take federal student loans to get educated.
We take bank loans for cars and homes.
We take subsidized housing to offset rental costs.
Where all the independence that we are so proud of?
If we are honest, we will admit that we use the term independent pretty much in relation to black men and and relationships. Because it is too painful to say, “I am lonely” or “I want companionship” or “I want love” we boast of our independence because we can pay our own bills.
While that may be true, our education cannot protect us, our corner office won’t love us and our boss babe hustle will not nurture our children.
I think this is part of the conditioning we have had to manage our disappoints and hurts as it relates to not having our fathers and the fathers of our children present. I also believe we have to break the shackles of this conditioning that puts us against ourselves and against our men.
We and our Black men are in fact two halves of a whole.
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