Outdated Models
When we were kids everything was outside of our control. We relied on our parents or caretakers to make sense of the world, tell us how to behave and how to feel.
And when emotions got too intense for our little brains to handle them we came up with a mental strategy of not feeling. Which makes sense at the time because it’s just too much.
As adults, we never really update this way of looking at the world. When you ask most people, including yourself, what do they need to feel good, it usually comes down to something outside of us. “When the shutdown is lifted, THEN I’ll be okay.” “Once I get into my new house” “If only this person would behave the way I want them to.”
None of this is explicitly bad. It’s just the brain’s best way of making sense of the world. Once we’re aware of this mechanism we’re free to ask ourselves is this mental model useful now, or is it outdated?
Making our happiness and mental well being dependent on the outer world made sense when we were kids, and we had to act in line with what the outer world wanted from us. As adults this leaves us at the whims of chance and makes us powerless. The good news is bit by bit you can begin to update your mindset and make yourself the centre of your happiness.
