It is NOT about being tough
The first problem with the idea of toughness is when tend to think of it as a fixed trait. You either have it or you don’t. And the opposite of toughness is weakness, right? So if you’re not tough you’re weak. Which means anytime our attempts to be tough fail, and they inevitable always will with enough stress, we’re left being inadequate.
Secondly there’s little to no evidence toughness leads to a better performance or improved mental health. So we’re working hard at building a mental trait we don’t really believe to possible to build, and one that doesn’t give us the payoff we’re hoping for!
So what’s the alternative? Compassion! It seems counter intuitive but gentle encouragement combined with empathy of the struggle you’re facing will lead to a more enjoyable effort and a better outcome.
If you’ve been trying tough it out and it hasn’t worked so far, why not try a compassionate approach and see how it works for you?
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