This episode is for anyone who's ever felt broken by their own brain, anyone supporting someone through the darkness, or anyone who needs to hear that the smallest reasons to stay alive are just as valid as the big ones.
More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/reinna
Reinna came on Mental Health Monday to talk about depression, anxiety, medication abuse and suicidal ideations. At just 17, she's already navigated more medical trauma and mental health struggles than most people face in a lifetime.
Her health issues started young. At 10 years old, severe stomach pain led to countless hospital visits, invasive tests and eventually gallbladder removal at 12. The pain didn't stop. Doctors thought it was Crohn's disease, then IBS, then colitis. Years later, she still doesn't have a definitive diagnosis. The constant hospitalizations meant missing school and struggling to make friends. Teachers gave her a hard time until they understood the severity of her condition. Children's Hospital became her second home.
The medication abuse started in eighth grade. Depression runs in her family and she was already on antidepressants when she fell for a boy who was taking Xanax. She started taking her own pills to feel better. One became two, two became three. Soon she was taking five or six at once just to sleep. "I can't be sad if I'm asleep," she explained. When she realized she was approaching overdose territory, she told her mom. Her mother was initially angry but ultimately supportive. Her father called her a "druggy." She still struggles with relapse.
Self-harm was another coping mechanism. She used to hold ice in her room when she wanted to hurt herself, finding it gave her physical pain without permanent damage. A previous guest had suggested the same technique.
At 11, Reinna was sexually assaulted by one of her father's drunk friends at a party. He told her he did it because he loved her. Those words destroyed her understanding of love. She didn't fully comprehend what happened until she got older. The assault made her afraid of drunk people and left her feeling like she couldn't say no to anyone. She became a people pleaser who struggled to set boundaries. Her mom initially brushed it off until things got serious. They never pursued legal action.
Reinna identifies as bisexual. She came out to her mom young, crying on the steps saying she loved people she shouldn't love. Her mom thought it was a phase. Later, during a fight with her dad about her medication abuse, she blurted out her sexuality expecting rejection. Surprisingly, her dad was more accepting than her mom.
What keeps her going? Her cat July, who once headbutted her at a critical moment. Her best friend Twani, who turns dark moments into jokes. Playing video games. Her mom. Finding humor in the darkness. She's learned that helping others makes her happy, even when she needs to remember to help herself first.
Reinna wants people to know that those with mental illness aren't different or abnormal. They're just people dealing with something that happened to them, no different than someone with a physical disease. She's studying philosophy and anthropology and dreams of becoming a treasure hunter or maybe even a cult leader (the inclusive, science-friendly kind).
She's been clean from self-harm attempts for almost a year as of our interview. She's still here, taking care of her cat and living one day at a time.
