Essential listening for anyone loving someone with PTSD, parents wondering how trauma is affecting their kids, and family members who feel like they're walking on eggshells but don't know how to help.
More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/dr-michelle-sherman
Dr. Michelle Sherman spent 17 years in the VA system watching families sit in waiting rooms while their loved ones received treatment. Those families looked lost, confused and isolated. That observation launched her career specializing in how trauma and PTSD impact entire family systems, not just the person with the diagnosis.
The biggest misconception? That trauma automatically equals PTSD. Most people experience some form of trauma in their lives, but most don't develop PTSD. Sherman survived a serious car accident at 70 mph that easily could have killed her. That was trauma. But like most people, she processed it naturally without developing PTSD. The distinction matters because it removes the automatic assumption that experiencing something terrible means you're broken.
For those who do develop PTSD, there's reason for hope. Sherman emphasizes that PTSD can actually be cured, not just managed. Evidence-based treatments exist that can eliminate symptoms entirely. The challenge is getting people to stick with treatment since avoidance is a core symptom of the condition.
Families often don't realize they're dealing with trauma's ripple effects. They might feel like they're walking on eggshells around someone who's become irritable and quick to anger. Or they experience what researchers call "ambiguous loss" when their loved one is physically present but emotionally unavailable. Kids especially struggle with this, often blaming themselves for the changes in their parent's behavior.
Sherman's advice for families is straightforward but powerful: keep asking. If someone with PTSD declines social invitations or family activities, don't stop inviting them. Unless they explicitly tell you to stop, keep reaching out. They may say yes on the 50th invitation, but knowing you're still there matters enormously.
Equally important is what not to do. Don't pry for details about the trauma. Don't take their emotional distance personally. And critically, don't make your entire life about being their caregiver. You need your own hobbies, friends and support system to avoid burnout.
The family impact extends beyond spouses and partners. Sherman's passionate about children living with parents who have mental illness or PTSD. About 20% of kids live in these situations, yet they remain largely invisible to healthcare systems. Other countries provide legal rights and supports for these children, but the US lags behind significantly.
Sherman co-authors books with her mother specifically addressing this gap. Their latest releases include resources for both teens and adults navigating these family dynamics. The books are interactive, community-reviewed efforts designed to feel like "a support group in a book" for people who might never seek traditional therapy.
Her message throughout is hopeful. Trauma can be life-impacting but doesn't have to be life-defining. Recovery is possible. Families can heal together. The key is understanding that healing often happens in relationship with others, whether through therapy, support groups or simply having people who keep showing up even when you push them away.
The stigma around PTSD is decreasing, treatments are improving and awareness is growing. Sherman's magic wand wish would be comprehensive recognition of how mental health issues affect children in these families, but her realistic advice is simpler: stay curious, keep caring and remember that showing up consistently matters more than saying the perfect thing.
