As I’ve grown and worked on myself I realize I’m not and cannot be responsible for anyone else’s feelings but my own. This trait though has made me very considerate of other people almost to the point where it doesn’t make sense. Like I’ll be laying down in the sauna and someone will come in, and it’s a big sauna but someone will come in and I will sit up to give them more room or even consider leaving early if it starts filling up so that someone else can have my spot. But here’s the thing. I’m just as worthy of that spot in the sauna as anyone else. And if I say I’m going to sit in there for twenty minutes, then I’m going to sit in there for 20 minutes regardless of how many people want to come in and that is perfectly ok.
Doctors have an oath they take that is to “do no harm”. And that’s my oath too. Do no harm. I have worked really hard to do no harm to anyone my whole life. Dating was awful because I never wanted to hurt anyone. But that’s unavoidable if you are being honest and authentic. If I had stayed with someone because I didn’t want to hurt them but I didn’t love them that’s kind of lying. I may not hurt them short term but their life will be miserable eventually and so would mine. That’s why included in that oath of “do no harm” Ive had to make sure to include myself. I have just as much right to the sauna as anyone else and I am not responsible for anyone’s feelings but my own.
I used to think of myself as a people pleaser but I realized I’m not that. People pleasers according to Websters dictionary have an emotional need to please others often at the expense of his or her own desires. That is not me, if I was a people pleaser I’d probably still be married to my first husband, I would never have left the religion of my parents, my life would look very different and it would be very inauthentic because I’d be living a life on someone else’s terms. Brooke Castillo likes to say people pleasers are liars. Which is kind of harsh but true because you have something you want to do, but you don’t do it because someone else wants you to do what they want. So you aren’t being honest when you disregard your own wishes. You matter in this world and you’re worthy of living the life you want even if it’s not what someone else wants. Just food for thought.
None of us wake up and say I want to hurt someone’s feelings today. I just don’t believe that we do. Not anyone listening to this podcast anyway. But I think we hurt our own feelings all the time. We lie to ourselves a lot. We don’t do the things we tell ourself we are gonna do. We beat ourselves up for things we had nothing to do with. We take on too much because we are afraid to say no.
What would happen if you said no and meant it? The world isn’t going to end I assure you. What would happen if you prioritized yourself? How would life change if you stopped feeling responsible for other people’s feelings? I can tell you from my experience it’s super freeing. Living your best life of course involves you doing no harm to others but that has to include you too. setting boundaries, prioritizing yourself and not tolerating anything less than you deserve, that’s your job. That’s the role you’re supposed to play. Listen to hear the entire episode! I love you guys!
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