Today’s step will focus on one of the commonest Self-defeating Beliefs: perfectionism. This mind-set can make you vulnerable to all kinds of difficulties: • stress at work or school; • mood swings, like depression and anxiety; • loneliness and difficulties forming close, intimate relationships; • excessive frustration, anger, and conflicts in personal relationships; • problems in learning from criticism, failure, or mistakes; • procrastination as well as difficulties sticking with jobs that are tough.
One of the cardinal principles of cognitive therapy is that all human beings are inherently broken and flawed. We constantly battle against these flaws and try to become the person we think we should be. Nevertheless, our brokenness—our shortcomings and failings—can become a source of strength, once we confront and accept them. It is only when we hide our shortcomings in shame that they eat away at us and rob us of joy and cause us to feel isolated from others. This vision is quite different from the value system of Western culture, which suggests that we must achieve as much as possible and aspire to perfection in life to be special, worthwhile, and lovable.
Burns, David D.. Ten Days to Self-Esteem (p. 236). Harper Paperbacks. Kindle Edition.
