John 12
It sounds too pessimistic to say that daily I approach the day of death or that every day my life gets shorter or that another name of living is a slow death. If life is like a non-rechargeable battery and slowly leaks away, we will suffer constant anxiety and eventually depression. Imagine that the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up in the morning is ‘Well, my life is a day shorter than yesterday’. Or, at breakfast, you say to yourself, “I can fall and die from a heart attack after this meal.” We cannot continue our life this way.
However, Jesus speaks about death and hating one’s life in today’s gospel. Is he just talking about a heroic death or a martyrdom for the kingdom of heaven? A heroic death can indeed bring lots of good to people. Martyrs of faith nourish the Church with their blood. But not all of us have opportunities to be martyred. How do we die like a grain of wheat? How do we hate our life in this world so that we may keep it for eternal life?
I can forget about death and live today as if I live forever. Then, I am very likely to waste today. By the end of the day, I am dead for today. The day is gone without fruit. Today’s me is also gone and dead with today. But if I choose to die to myself and to follow Jesus to where he is, even if today can be very hard and unpleasant, at the end of the day, I am still living the life of Christ. And today bears fruits of the Holy Spirit, from which the people around me receive spiritual nourishment.
I pray that I can choose to die to myself and to follow Jesus when I wake up every morning. I pray that I can deny my will and submit to the will of Christ today so that every day I may approach not death but life, not an end but another beginning.
