Matthew 17
I wonder why I cannot remove my vices. For a while, I do much better and I think I have defeated them. But I fall again at an unexpected time. And then they continue for a while. But I get better again sometime later. However, this is not the end, for I fall again. These ups and downs repeat. I feel sick of myself sometimes looking at my weakness and sinfulness. And I ask Jesus, “Why could I not cast them out?”
This is the same question the apostles asked Jesus in today’s gospel when Jesus cured a boy with epilepsy and suspected demonic possession which they could not have cured. The answer of Jesus points out the weakness of faith. To cast out demons means to remove evil from a soul. Only when we are united with the Lord by faith, we can become the instruments of his divine power. Against stronger and deeper rooted evils, we need stronger faith.
An old habit dies hard. Vices, that are sinful habits, don’t go away overnight even when we try to remove them. You might feel it is like moving a mountain to turn a vice into a virtue – especially an old vice that has deep roots in your life and soul. Even when we have deep remorse of these vices and sins, they do not easily disappear. We don’t want them, but often, too often we find we are so weak against them.
This is why Jesus emphasizes faith. Shame, remorse, or regret may not be enough to uproot vices. We need a positive force. Jesus calls for tiny-size, but true faith.
I pray that Jesus allows me this true faith. As a small mustard seed becomes a big tree, a small amount of yeast leavens the whole dough, this true faith may entirely change me one day and cast out all evils and vices from my soul.
