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This week Valerie Grant, LPC shares about attachment repair and how it can help us remain grounded in these difficult times.
Questions for personal reflection or (preferably) discussion with someone else...
- How are the constant shifts in information, guidelines, and expectations around the Covid crisis impacting you right now?
- Valerie talks about how we are all the ages that we’ve ever been. If there is a feeling of overwhelm or “fussiness” that is hard to name, it is probably coming from a very early part of ourselves that doesn’t have the words to express the disruption we’re feeling. When have you experienced this unnamed agitation? What did that look like?
- When we feel this way, we start looking around for the grownups in charge. When you’re experiencing these unsettled feelings, what messages do you usually tell yourself? Valerie uses the examples of the harsh inner grownup/parent: “Stop wasting time!” “Pull it together” or the negligent grownup/parent who pushes the feelings and thoughts aside and ignores them. Where do you see your internal responses in these examples? Do you ever respond this way to your loved ones?
- “The great news is that we are fundamentally designed to heal. So even if our childhoods were less than ideal, our secure attachment is biologically programed into us. Our brain is designed with something called neuroplasticity [the idea that we can always grow new neuropathways, e.g. you can teach an old dog new tricks!]… and it’s constructed to allow for adaptation, healing, and growth.” Have you heard of neuroplasticity before? Where have you seen your brain’s ability to adapt, heal, and grow in the past?
- Valerie talks about how when we can repeatedly pause and take in pleasure, enjoyment, or what we’re noticing (ex. feeling the sun on your face, listening to the birds, enjoying the aroma of coffee or food, etc.) we are creating a neuropathway that releases the hormones in our bodies that calm and soothe us. What are some of the simple ways that you can pause and take things in this week? What are some simple things that give you delight or comfort?
- When you feel overwhelmed this week try the simple guided meditation at minute [18:30].
- Valerie describes two tiny interventions we can do to repair attachment and reregulate our nervous systems under stress:
*Identifying what we are thinking and feeling and just accepting it with a deep breath.
*Noticing moments of delight or comfort by pausing, breathing several times, and taking the moment in.
Are you willing to try these simple interventions? What will help remind you to pause, accept, and notice?
