In the wonderful book There is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate, a compassionate process for learning to accept yourself exactly as you are, Cheri Huber states:
“The simplest example is that if self-hate is hating my body, it doesn’t matter what I do or what I look like, I will never meet self-hate’s standard, which is the point.” & “I’m suggesting that you stop beating yourself. Many spiritual teachers suggest that hatred is not the answer. They say things about love, forgiveness, generosity, and gratitude.”
“Care & Actualization of the Self” is the first in my podcast series on the Elements of Dance, where I’ll be explaining each Element, including The Body, Shape & Shaping, Space, Time, and Quality/Energy and how I use them in choreography, criticism, teaching, and reflective practice.
As an ontological coach, I approach all of my work from the perspective of inquiry, reflection, and transformation. Whether teaching dance or yoga, or coaching clients, I am interested in co-creating a shift in how we show up in the world, and support people in coming from Essence, rather than habituated Survival Mechanism. We are each ultimately responsible for our own well-being, and that is the ground we stand on to be able to learn, grow, and accomplish our goals.
One framework we often refer to as educators is Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, which includes Physiological Needs, Safety Needs, Love & Belonging, Esteem, Self-Actualization. The theory is that higher needs in the hierarchy can emerge when people have satisfied the previous need, although subsequent research has shown that it’s not a strictly linear or chronological progression.
I also often refer to the Teaching Tolerance Anti-Bias Framework which includes four main areas: Identity, Diversity, Justice, and Action. First comes the development of a strong and healthy identity, and particularly relevant here is #4, that “Students will express pride, confidence and healthy self-esteem without denying the value and dignity of other people.”
Yoga develops awareness and acceptance of our body and mind, while also strengthening the connection between body, mind, and spirit. The Yoga Sutra attributed to Patanjali outlines moral principles (the yamas) and observances (niyamas) that are a part of the yogic path, often called the “Eightfold Path,” a foundation on which the subsequent breath and meditative practices are built. Now there’s a whole lot to unpack in each of these principles and practices, but the fact that nonviolence came first is telling. When we talk about ahimsa or nonviolence, that includes violence toward ourselves in word or deed.
In the introduction to There is Nothing Wrong with You, Cheri Huber explains that “The reason spiritual practice is essential in doing this work of going beyond self-hate is that, in order to be free of self-hate, we must find the unconditional.” and “Every spiritual path tells us that what we are seeking is inside us.”
It is a process! We are responsible for taking care of our well-being first, to be healthy, happy dancers and people. How do you define your identity and where will you offer yourself some love and care this week? For more, please visit me at ablythecoach.com
