So I have had this grand plan for my life for years. It included these great goals and achievements that I wanted to create and bless others with. I wanted to make a bigger impact and on more lives than I had in the past. These are wonderful ideals. But the expectation as to how to put this into place made me miserable. The problem comes into play when I have expectations around these goals, I then decide what should or should not be happening to me, and get frustrated when those expectations are not met. I would concentrate on what happened to me rather than those things I will happen to. Because in my life things sometimes happen which get in the way of me having my expectations. These are not “Goals” I have but expectations on life. Many times my expectations are not met by life and then I get frustrated. Have you ever felt frustrated because your expectations of life are not being met?
So when things like this happen, since this is not part of our plan and it doesn’t work towards our goals
What do we do with it?
So what I do is I start to assign meaning to the experience. Oh this is bad or worst I am bad. I mean that is pretty common right? Our brains are wired to assign meaning to the things that happen to us. It is part of this centuries old programming that is meant to keep us alive. How does that programing play out today? What does that meaning look like? Most often for me that meaning I assign is negative. I’ve beat myself up after things outside of my expectations happened to me. How do you feel after you assign meaning? What type of meaning do you assign?
Or the next option for us to deal with this experience is we can feel shame, this is different, if I am in shame I would say something like I got a ticket because I am bad or I deserved it. Taking the experience and assigning shame to it is very destructive. Shame is never helpful. Assigning shame or thinking you are defective or bad because of an experience will likely send you into a tailspin.
But if I take the blame I am taking responsibility right, and taking responsibility is a good thing right? It depends on what we take responsibility for. Taking responsibility for things out of our control is not a good thing. Many times when people speak of taking responsibility they are actually taking the blame or accepting the shame. Sometimes when we take responsibility, they are for things outside of our Control. These ways of dealing with experiences are a way for us to hang ourselves. We beat ourselves so that we can have paid the price. Once the price and feel the guilt or shame I can feel like my has been paid then I am free to be able to act out again after all it wasn’t my fault it was the Officers. Right? Or If I’m in shame I am a bad person who always speeds. Either of these allow us to make the same decision again. Now maybe next time we will get away with it, but life has a way of catching up to us doesn’t it?
Look carefully at the way you think about what happens to you. The other option is that what happens to you is just what comes into my life and it is there for me to experience. Once I have had the experience there is no need to assign meaning to it or hold emotions around it. How would looking at it this way lead you to think? What feelings would you have with this thought process? Changing your thoughts about the things that come into your life is a way
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