In segment two of a two-part series on healthy relationships, we explore the role of commitment and conflict resolution in healthy relationships.
Questions answered in this episode:
- What is the role of commitment in good relationships?
- How do we improve our ability to resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?
Other topics discussed:
HOW DOES THE TYPICAL, UN-EVOLVED DUDE DEAL WITH COMMITMENT
- Holes in the fence
- Flirty
- Lusts after others
DEFINE COMMITMENT
- In the short-term, to the decision that you love this person
- in the long-term: the decision to maintain that love.
- These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship.
DECIDE TO LOVE THEM
- They’ve probably changed
- Decide to be their person, always
- Me now vs. us always
DECIDE TO MAINTAIN IT
- Do the work
- Decide to stay
- Decide to be loyal
- Know where the pitfalls are
BOUNDARIES
- Stay true
- Don’t jeopardize it with poor boundaries
HOW DOES THE TYPICAL DUDE FIGHT?
- Gaslighting
- Avoids
- Rolls eyes
- Complains about her crying
- Attack mode
- Passive aggression
ESTABLISH RULES
- In UFC, hockey, and even war there are rules
YOU HAVE TO FIGHT
- Avoidance of conflict: one of the greatest predictors of divorce
- Conflict IS intimacy
- You’ve never had a true friend if you didn’t have some squabbles
MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
- Is now a good time?
- Take a time out if needed
STATE YOUR OWN FEELINGS WITH EMOTIONAL WORDS
- Our emotional vocab is so limited
- Know when to express frustration vs. annoyance vs.
- I feel __________ when _______ happens
- Try not to even say “YOU”
NO YELLING OR NAME CALLING
- In court, there is none of this, even though parties HIGHLY disagree. Why? Respect for the institution!
NO OLD STUFF
- Bringing up the past is a weapon used to WIN
APOLOGIES and FORGIVENESS
- Apologize when you’re wrong
- But don’t demand one if they are
- Forgive
Relevant Links:
