Take Courage
One of the most truly terrifying,
experiences of existence,
Is when your own body fails to respond.
When due to the fatigue of illness,
You realize you are no longer strong.
Nothing humbles you like being,
Actually physically unable to achieve,
The things you could do yesterday,
But now, you can barely breathe.
It strips you of power, it shatters your pride,
You are left to rely upon others
In order to survive...
Needing help just preparing food...
These necessities of existence,
Can make you feel like a fool.
There is a certain shame that comes
With being ill, and being less able,
It can make you feel worthless,
It's hard to remove that label...
These days, now after many years,
Of slowly losing my health,
I've visited at Deaths Door,
More times than I can count...
It used to make me dizzy with panic...
I'd beg and bargain with God,
I'd pray desperately and plead and cry,
And in my weakness, I'd sob...
I don't have to convince God,
He knows exactly what I'm suffering...
I don't have to pray like a beggar,
As if God requires such badgering...
My illness was to me, intolerable,
My weakness caused me such shame,
Until I realized it is transferable
To unit it with Christ's own pain...
To give it actually as a sacrifice,
To make it an act of love,
To give it all for reparation of sins,
And to become united by faith, above.
I still contend with my fevers,
I cannot run as I would like,
I cannot do a lot of things,
Like, become a mother or a wife...
But now when that weakness grabs me,
I told on tight to my prayers,
I think of my mother Mary,
And how this all, my soul prepares.
To join Christ in His sorrows, and
From His sadness accept my share...
To join Christ in all His tomorrows,
so in humility, we may be paired...
Then even in that darkness,
My heart and soul accepts the test,
To battle either back to health,
Or to accept my final rest.
