Julian and Braxton discuss Attachment Theory, what it is, some of the history and research behind it and how to work with and heal different attachment styles.
About Braxton:
Braxton Dudley, MA offers both counseling and contemplative coaching in Boulder Colorado. That focuses on somatic parts work, relationship and spiritual issues.
Learn more at:
https://www.spaciousheartcounseling.com/
Topics (in chronological order)
- Introduction, mindfulness, the primacy of consciousness
- Attachment theory: how we show up in relationships as well as our pursuit of life
- We are most likely to have the same attachment styles as our care givers
- How the dismissive attachment style shuts down their own relational needs
- How our early childhood relationships with our primary caregivers impacts our relationships today
- Defining "Attachment Style"
- Studies show 75% chance that one will die with the same attachment style they developed by age 2
- 4 Attachment Styles: Secure, Avoidant, Anxious and Disorganized
- Primary caregivers only have to show up in an attuned way 30% of the time is enough to develop secure attachment
- Explaining the Anxious Attachment Styles, which is called Preoccupied in adults
- Anxious Style tends to be more insecure in their exploration
- Discussing the Dismissive(also called Avoidant) attachment style
- How Disorganized attachment styles tends to develop in response to neglectful or abusive care givers
- Different attachment styles can show up in different contexts
- Trans-generational trauma
- How healing Attachment involves implicit memory, not just from cognitive understanding
- The Strange experiments and the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth
- How Anxious attachment style in the child comes about in part from a lack of reliability in care givers.
- How all the different attachment styles are evolutionarily intelligent adaptation strategies that are actually the best response to particular dysfunctional environments.
- How the attachment styles one develops from 0-2 years old often becomes the same attachment style one has in the context of intimate relationship as an adult.
- How our largely unconscious internal working models
- How the development of meta cognition can lead to healing our attachment patterns.
- That many with dismissive attachment styles get into meditation and intense spiritual pursuits
- Just because someone is a Spiritual Teacher does not mean they have healthy relationships
- And how that often comes from a lack of awareness or respect of the relational needs of others
- The Qualities of Secure Attachment
- Strategies for healing insecure attachment styles
- The role of self regulation for helping Pre-Occupied
- The importance of the Dismissive attachment styles to work on receiving and letting in intimacy and love
Terminology:
- Secure (both child and adult)
- Anxious-ambivalent (for children) is called Preoccupied (adult)
- Avoidant (child) is called Dismissive (for adults)
- Disorganized in both child and adult (sometimes referred to as fearful-avoidant or fearful-preoccupied)
Resources:
