Should you Hug Someone if they are Upset? This was a topic of discussion in a recent group gathering of mine. There are many reasons to hug someone if they are upset but there are also many reasons not to.
Here’s the three main things you need to take into consideration:
- Hugging or touch in general can trigger past traumatic experiences for someone. Not very nice for that person and they won’t always want to enter into that discussion with you about it. Some people hate other people coming into their space in general. Just because you’re a hugger doesn’t mean everyone else is. It can make matters worse.
- Jumping in and hugging someone can interrupt a wonderful process that’s happening.. Crying can be a release of emotions, a letting go of internal emotional debris or waste. If you jump in and hug them it may (or may not) stifle or interrupt that beautiful process. Sometimes the brain is processing an event and the interruption will shut down that processing. Not useful to jump in with a hug in this situation.
- Some people use crying as a strategy to get what they want, deflect a situation or to gain sympathy. Hugging simply will reinforce negative behaviour.
