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#AllStarGame starts off with a bang and limps to a low-rated finish, but at least the uniforms were MUCh cooler than last year's monstrosities  |  The FIX was clearly in on the Home Run Derby and all the degenerate gamblers were NOT happy with the Robbery in the Ravine  |  We hate to break it to you, but here's why [INSERT YOUR FAVORITE TEAM HERE} will NOT win the Juan Soto Sweepstakes  |  #Cubs are getting sued by the goddam United fucking States Justice Department because Crane Kenney obviously hates disabled people  |  TEN Royals still won't get vaccinated, an on-field prostate exam brings new meaning to the 7th-Inning Stretch, Chris Sale is broken again, and graphic designer desecrates a national memorial in a very AL East-centric Shit We Couldn't Make Up segment  |  ESPN and whoever else decided the world needed a SEVEN-FUCING-HOUR documentary about Derek Jeter earned our Assholes of the Week dishonor

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