Forgiveness: The gift you give yourself.
Forgiveness is one of the major keys to turning your pain into purpose. For some of us who’ve been hurt and betrayed beyond imagination, the very idea of forgiving the one who hurt you can seem like an insult.
Forgiveness is NOT the same as saying the offense didn’t matter. Forgiveness does not justify the hurt or make it ok. Dictionary definition of Forgive: stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Cancel a debt. Forgiveness doesn’t make the offense ok, it makes YOU ok. When you forgive you get to stop feeling anger and resentment. Those are negative, painful feelings! They’re heavy! When you forgive, you can put that heavy load down and move forward without it.
Forgiveness does not always mean restoration or reconciliation. Example of David: 2Samuel 12: 13 “Then David said to Nathan, I have sinned against the Lord. Nathan replied, The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the lord, the son born to you will die.”
Some offenses do irreversible damage. Sometimes it’s not healthy or good to put things back the way they were. For example, we can forgive an abuser, an ex spouse, or a toxic person. We can reach a place where we do not carry the hurt and we can sincerely wish them well. Still, it may be better to stay away from that person, or refrain from trusting them in the same way again. Sometimes boundaries can provide a safe emotional place from which you can forgive. It’s much more peaceful to process and let go of pain when you know you won’t have to be put in that same situation again.
Forgiveness doesn’t require an apology. Don’t wait for the offender to be “sorry.” You may never get a heartfelt apology from the person who hurt you. It’s ok to let go of carrying the hurt BEFORE the person shows remorse. Forgiveness doesn’t depend on the other person’s regret. You are totally free to forgive as you please, put down the load of hurt and refuse to carry it anymore. You are not at your offender’s mercy when it comes to forgiveness.
Luke 23:34 “Jesus said Father forgive them, for the do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
When you forgive someone, even as they hurt you, you accept them as they are. You do not have to wait for a change of heart from them in order to get freedom for yourself.
Forgiveness helps me understand how much God loves me. Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God, for Christ’s sake, has forgiven you.” When I forgave someone who did not deserve forgiveness, and then went on to repeat the same offense, for which I went through the forgiveness process again… It was hell. Yet never before had I realized what a gift God’s forgiveness is to me. He knows it all. And has forgiven me, even when I turn right around and go back to the same foolishness.
Psalm 103: 2-5 Praise the Lord my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagles.”
