This story takes place in 2019. At that time, I had a friendship with a young woman who later came to me with an accusation that caught me completely off guard. What she revealed was that she viewed our connection as something much deeper than I ever realized. To her, the friendship itself served as a doorway to certain expectations—expectations that had never been spoken out loud, but silently assumed.
Because these expectations were invisible to me, my actions, or in some cases my lack of actions, didn’t measure up to what she believed I should have been doing. As a result, she accused me not only of ghosting her but also of failing to take accountability for how I had handled the relationship. From her perspective, my silence and absence represented a lack of care and responsibility. From my perspective, I was confused, because I hadn’t even realized there were rules or obligations I was expected to fulfill.
Needless to say, things got a little messy. The misunderstanding created tension, frustration, and eventually distance between us. But as uncomfortable as the experience was, it became a valuable turning point for me. It forced me to reflect on how unspoken expectations can shape relationships, how accountability looks different depending on where you stand, and how easy it is to miss what someone else assumes is obvious.
Looking back, I realized that while I may not have agreed with her conclusions, there was still a lesson in the confrontation. It pushed me to become more mindful about clarity, communication, and the importance of addressing assumptions before they have the chance to become accusations.
That’s why I want to share this story with you in today’s episode. Because the truth is, all of us will face situations where expectations go unspoken, accountability gets questioned, and relationships become strained. My hope is that the lessons I learned in that messy season of 2019 will not only serve as wisdom for my own life, but also provide perspective you can carry into yours.
