SURPRISE GUYS!!!! So an extra episode this month and it is an update of last weeks so if you haven’t listened to that go listen to that as well. Last episode I was more calm, logical, understanding and rational. But this week I am actually livid about people’s behaviour recently with them handling situations badly and being intentionally cruel in a sense. The best advice I have received from this situation is from one of my friends who said people are not gonna be who you want them to be and don’t have any expectations from them. ✨song of the week: pretty isn’t pretty | Olivia Rodrigo✨ Also I do appreciate honesty and the truth so just say what you wanna say. What I do not appreciate is lies, manipulation, mind games, thoughtless words and being intentionally cruel. This week has been rough to be honest and I am still kinda going through it. I’ve been really upset due to this behaviour and really angry because I know that I wouldn’t treat them the way they have treated me this week. This whole situation has made me lose respect for these people which is extremely difficult to re-earn. It has also showed people’s intentions and what place I have in their lives. Although future me might thank them for showing what they really think of me; so I know not to trust them in the future or tell them anything private/ secret and share anything I may be excited about. Current me has differing thoughts because I feel like an idiot and a bit silly because I really did trust them and think that they were good people. Obviously this has turned out to not be the case but oh well not my loss. For me the best thing I can do is keep a mental note and keep my distance. This is because cutting them off completely is not in the question at the moment for loads of reasons. I also want to show that their nasty behaviour does not affect me because I will still be the same person I am. It has shown me that they truly do not care or respect me enough to be honest and that some of incidents mentioned last week were perhaps intentional. This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth as I truly thought they were people I could count on and rely on and possibly go to for advice. Perhaps I was blinded by the word family and what it meant to me, perhaps they could pretend and act for a while before the mask was completely gone, perhaps they never really cared, perhaps I was delusional. Those who have been listening for a while know that it takes me ages to trust people and this had really upset me because they are not who I thought they were. Alongside the incidents from the last episode it has made me think that they do not want me at their event which I would be happy to not go. Worst thing is that I think that they only invited us to save face and show to the in-laws that they are amazing people??? So what more am I there for, than to feign smiles and compliments to boost their ego. If you only want to show that you care and we are so close when people are around then did you even care in the first place??? Make no mistake that I always knew that I was in second place to cousin a in a race that I was never competing in. I know that I was never the favourite niece or cousin and I had accepted that. But to then be intentionally cruel and horrible about it is hard to go through. For me this has really shaken my view of them and I’m adjusting to realising who they truly are. This has made me realise that not to have any expectations from them because they will let me down in the worst way possible. It has also shown that they do not respect me as they are not able to be honest and feel like they have to lie and manipulate me. This has been a very hard lesson to learn about how they truly are. Thank you for everyone listening for giving me joy. This has been a place for me to express my authentic views and feelings. So thank you for making me feel seen and allowing me to be honest. This has become a safe place for me to share views, ideas and experiences. 🥹💜
