My Mom has been my wing-woman for 20 years as my husband and I have cared for 4 family members, including her mom, my Grandma Ferris. With every phone call I made, she was taking notes, not just on what what happening in the lives of our family members, but how she would want to handle each of the scenarios. Her life added a layer of complexity when she married our favorite and beloved, Papa Ron, who is Canadian and they live in Canada.
Now, I do have to add here that my mother is a retired corporate Attorney and we're pretty frank, matter of fact folks. Conversations about logistics have flowed easily between us, and my sister, Rachel, for years. Being a family caregiver is no joke and she watched the toll it took on us to have to extract information out of relatives. She's pretty direct towards the end of this episode that some people, they ain't talking. It's just going to be nearly impossible.
Our hope with this episode is it give you some framework for guidance on having these conversations. Per usual, we get off on a couple of tangents, but I do eventually circle us back.
She has documented all of her accounts with contact information and provided that on a thumb drive for us. She also has sent us copies of her POA, Will and Living Will. We know she's already burned the journals, so she's basically covered the bases!
Here are the scenarios she came up with. You may have some of your own to add as well.
Scenario 1 – My husband dies and I’m in good health. We still own and live in the condo in Canada.
Scenario 2 – I have a debilitating condition that’s temporary. My husband is still alive.
Scenario 3 – I have a debilitating condition that’s temporary. My husband is not alive.
Scenario 4 – I have been diagnosed with a terminal illness that is not curable and involves unpleasant and painful treatment to keep me alive.
Scenario 5 – I have dementia that is progressing to the point that I can’t remember my family members.
Scenario 6 – I’m older and don’t want to live on my own any longer. My husband is either dead or living in some kind of home in Canada because I’m unable to take care of him. I would like to live in independent living in the US.
Scenario 7 – I’m still able to live on my own but have reached a point where I don’t get out much, maybe even can’t drive. I will want in-home help and companionship.
Preferences for Care - She outlines in her document a list of things she enjoys for care, around haircuts, food preferences, etc.
Resources: Financial, Medical, Contact Information for people we'd need to contact.
By the way, my super cool mom has her own website, that she designed herself, where she shares recipes and a blog. Check it out! https://thecuriousenior.com/category/blog/
#inspiredcaring #caregivercoach #agingwell #familycaregiving
