In this solo monologue, M.C.M. drops the filter and speaks truthfully about why we lie at the start of relationships
🕰️ Timestamped Show Notes:
00:00 – Introduction
Welcome to Episode 235. A different format today: a full monologue, read from a personal essay with spontaneous thoughts interspersed.
02:16 – Why It’s So Hard to Tell the Truth at the Start
Explores the discomfort and fear people feel when entering new relationships, and why vulnerability feels dangerous even though it's necessary.
04:31 – The Role of Self-Worth
How desperation vs. confidence impacts our willingness to be honest. When you don't value yourself, you're more likely to hide who you are.
08:04 – The Chameleon Phase
People shapeshift early in relationships to appear more desirable, but it leads to identity loss and a web of lies you can't sustain.
11:15 – Real Confidence and Love
Discusses what real self-worth looks like and how it empowers honest connection without fear of abandonment.
13:08 – How We Learn Worthlessness
Unpacks family trauma, rejection, and early life lessons that leave people believing they’re replaceable.
16:12 – How Hiding Leads to Settling
If you’re not being honest, even love can’t reach you. You end up attracting the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
17:05 – The Onion Strategy: Slowly Peeling Back Truth
The illusion that we can slowly reveal ourselves works against true connection. Love requires full authenticity.
18:46 – The Mask People Love Isn’t You
Even if you're “liked,” it's your curated version that gets accepted—not your real self.
20:16 – Research on Authenticity
Cites psychological studies showing how authenticity leads to greater trust and satisfaction in long-term relationships.
21:31 – Settling for Lies Instead of Living in Truth
Explores why we lie for clout, pleasure, or status—and why love built on lies isn't love at all.
22:46 – Brené Brown and True Belonging
Breaks down Brown’s concept that true belonging can’t happen without full self-acceptance.
24:22 – Lying to Get Advice
Warns that lying to friends or counselors makes their advice useless.
25:11 – The Deep Cost of Hiding Yourself
Lying might prevent rejection but blocks deep intimacy. True love requires vulnerability.
26:33 – Why Fear is the Root of Lying
Breaks down different types of fears: rejection, abandonment, loneliness, and losing "the one."
30:32 – Fear and Love Can’t Coexist
Discusses spiritual truths and psychological insight on how fear kills connection.
33:35 – Vulnerability is a Necessity
Quotes Brené Brown again. Vulnerability is scary but vital. The alternative is regret.
36:38 – Patience and the Long Game
You might not get love instantly when you're honest—but you'll get the right kind, in time.
39:41 – Suffering Builds Character
Uses Scripture and life wisdom to show how struggle prepares you for real love.
42:37 – Microwaved Love vs. Slow-Cooked Love
Fast romance might feel good but rarely lasts. Long-term love needs slow, truthful roots.
44:23 – What We Commonly Hide
Lists common things people hide early in relationships: kids, finances, faith, appearance, illness, etc.
48:16 – The Fresh Prince Moment
Funny but insightful reference to the moment someone reveals everything they’ve hidden—too late.
49:14 – Timing Your Honesty
You don’t need to info-dump on day one, but never lie about what will matter later.
52:03 – Biblical and Practical Truth
Reinforces the spiritual and practical need for radical honesty, quoting Scripture.
53:30 – Your Honesty is a Filter
The truth repels the wrong ones and reveals the right ones.
55:07 – The Loneliness of Being Unknown
Remaining in a lie-based relationship brings its own unique brand of painful isolation.
57:00 – Real Love is Built on Truth
Truth clears the way for love that’s rooted in reality. No imposter syndrome, no facade.
59:07 – Final Word: Dare to Be Real
It’s hard to be honest in a fake world. But truth sets the stage for the love we all want—and deserve.
