One day, when walking to the elevator in my sophomore dorm in college, I realized I had a bad habit that I needed to break. As I approached the elevator, a fellow student who was also waiting, saw me, and as if breaking out a sword for battle, they yanked out their iPhone and began “checking a text.” It was the epitome of avoidance. And I was so … repulsed by this action. Even more than being repulsed at my fellow student, I was repulsed at MYSELF because I realized that *I* did it too!
Pulling our phones at any lull is like having “I can’t be alone with my thoughts!!!” or “My insecurities prevent me from being comfortable standing in silence with a stranger!!!” written on our foreheads. So I forced myself to stop doing it, honestly just with the cringey image of that one guy, that one time, in my head. The superiority you will feel as you watch the plebes around you scroll will positively reinforce this behavior. (Don’t come for me. I’m simply here to provide the tools, not presenting myself as the finished product thank you very much…)
Avoidance.
That’s what I got from this week’s double parsha — closing off Vayikra, the book of Leviticus with the last 2 parshas: Behar and Bechukotai. Bechukotai is a pretty memorable parsha because it contains what we call the Tochecha, meaning “rebuke” or “reprove.” This section details the consequences for Am Yisrael (the people of Israel) not following the way of G-d.
This section is distressing to hear, so much so that when it’s read aloud in synagogues, it’s a custom to read it in a lower voice (of course still audibly).
But if we look a little deeper into the word “Tochecha” we get more than just “rebuke.” In the Talmud (Bereshit Rabbi 54:3) we read that “rebuke leads to love” - הַתּוֹכַחַת מְבִיאָה לִידֵי אַהֲבָה… “…rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” So rebuke is an integral part of a deep, meaningful relationships.
But being criticized doesn’t feel good! How can that lead to love?
I sometimes find myself down New York Times article rabbit holes. (You know… the one where you were just going in to read a theatre review, but then there’s a “You may also be interested in this…” suggestion and suddenly you’re in the real estate section.
Ok well I found myself in such a hole recently, and was reading an opinion piece about the fallacy of most controlled-environment diet / exercise experiments. There isn’t much money to be made from people living healthy lives, and therefore research about diet and exercise is wildly underfunded. (There’s much more money in the weight loss industry of diets / exercise plans / protein shakes!) Life-long health is something that needs to be studied longitudinally, not in short spurts.
The author gave a great example — studying an intensive exercise program. If you have volunteers doing long runs, aerobic exercises, and sports, you may see that 6 days in, they’re tired, weak, and sore. So I guess exercise is bad for you!??? No, obviously. If you studied these people over 6 months, though, they would adjust to the regimen and the conclusion would be the opposite.
Cont’d…
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