Communication is key. Communication between children and adults. Power struggles are a huge issue, and we get defensive when children don't act the way we want them to. Because of the cultural belief of a well behaved child equals a good parent, and a well behaved classroom equals a good teacher. The teacher/caregivers worth is tied to the child's behavior.
All we see is the behavior and not what is happening internally. Behavior starts on the inside. It is an expression what is happening in the brain and in the body.
As a culture we moved away from physical punishment, to emotional punishment which is just as harmful, except we cant see the harm it is doing until it shows up in the behavior.
Our brains job is to keep us safe and survive. Child are energy magnets, they know by our energy if they are liked or rejected. As a child they will fight for their life to feel safe. (bite, hit, kick, anything physical)
We were trained to blame people or circumstances for making us feel upset and learned how to please the adults in our lives happy.
No one is owning their relationship with the child. Parents blame teachers, teachers blame parents, kids blame other kids and so on. Blame gets us no where, when we are blaming we are in an emotional state.
How do we integrate our brain?
We need to bring down the stress in our lives and create more peace on calm on the inside.
As adults we need new skills so we can meet the needs of our modern day children. It starts with understanding and owning our own emotions and becoming emotionally fit. We need to go deep and understand why we are getting triggered and creating this emotional reaction in ourselves.
I believe in breaking generational patterns and misguided cultural beliefs, cultivating deep connections with ourselves first and then others. which results leading a life and parenting through a place of wholeness. That is empowering.
This week notice what emotions are arising in you and notice what is happening with your children when these emotions are arising with you.
Consistent small steps create change.
Diane Sorensen
Instagram @beauty.in.behavior
