Provoked To Destiny
Our culture only considered you fruitful or worthy of any honour when you have children. I didn't have any, even though I had been married for several years; long enough for my husband’s younger wife to have sons and daughters. I shall not tell you exactly how many years that was, just know they are many.
I am sure you already figured out how many years I must have been barren? In the process, my mate became an adversary. She decided to taunt and provoke me to the point of soreness.
Wait! Let me start right. I was married off to my husband when I barely knew who I was. I had no identity, and I desperately needed one. Check out my husband’s pedigree:
There once was a man who lived in Ramathaim. He was descended from the old Zuph family in the Ephraim hills. His name was Elkanah. (He was connected with the Zuphs from Ephraim through his father Jeroham, his grandfather Elihu, and his great-grandfather Tohu.)
(1 Samuel 1:1, The Message)
It was a joy to be yoked with him; soon, we would have a houseful of babies. My wish! One month became a year; then years and the wait became endless. He was a good man, I was sure he loved me, but he needed more than I had to offer at the time. Remember, culture measured you by sons and daughters.
One day, my darling waltzes in with a belle in hand. “She is here to stay,” I was informed. I could not blame him; I had seen him mope at the ceiling several nights. I knew it would be a matter of time before something gave. I just hoped my babies would show up before then.
Her name: Peninnah, she was beautiful and very saucy. I mean, I knew I was barren, but I was still the first wife, and I had rights. She did not care; after all; she was popping out babies like a chicken was laying eggs. She added arrogance to saucy; I became her object of ridicule. I could not do anything right, I was the old hag, and you guessed right, it is hard to be pretty when you have an ugly situation.
I was losing my charm; I so needed to be validated. Elkanah tried his best to remain fair. But pitched against Peninnah and her children, my case was lost.
Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her.
(1 Samuel 1:6)
I was frustrated because every time I went to God, He told me He had me covered; His exact words were "DO NOT FRET." Please tell me how you will not fret when every day someone is there to throw your fruitlessness in your face. Then I came to the point where I realised it was not the devil that was my problem. God was up to something, and He would not let me know what:
Because the Lord had closed Hannah’s womb... (1 Samuel 1:6a)
Another Shiloh, and for the umpteenth time, I was attending in my barren state. I just knew that that year, I would hold on to the horns of the altar until something gave. Peninnah was still on duty, harassing and taunting me, even on Shiloh grounds! My soul was vexed.
The third day of Shiloh, I decided, there was no way I would go home like I had done several years back. This just had to be the year something would shift. Everyone was partying, but I chose to pray. I went into the temple and just poured out my soul. I cried until there were no more tears. I prayed until there were no more words. I could only groan.
The deep voice of the Man Of God startled me. He wondered why I brought my drunkenness inside the temple. (Can you blame him, every other person was partying and eating and drinking, it’s not out of place for a few folks to be drunk). I let him know I was far from drunk, just sore with sorrow. He pronounced the word, and my heart connected. This was a different Shiloh. I just had to believe it.
(1 Samuel 1:9-17, The Message)
The word became flesh, and I became a mother. Next Shiloh, I could not go, as I needed to wean my son before I took him back to God. The Lord filled my mouth with songs of rejoicing, and during my years of waiting, I learnt a whole lot about God. He could be trusted.
