There are 3 ingredients in each cheesy, hokey, sickeningly magical Christmas holiday movie: 1. A blonde-haired, blue-eyed babe; 2. The ability to fall in love in, like, 6 hours; and 3. A FARM. Granted, not ALL of them are about farms, there’s a small few that are about bakeries and ski lodge inns, yeah. But come on, the vast majority of them are about farms. Farms are the heart of Christmas. The meaning of Christmas is farms. The reason for Christmas is farms. And it’s crazy how all of them need saving, and conveniently, only during the most magical time of year! A war on Christmas? Nah fam, it’s a war on farms! AT Christmas time ONLY. What’s this movie about? We have no idea. The title doesn’t tell us anything. Just that there’s a farm involved. No kidding? This one and every other one, am I right? We could have rolled the dice and done a probability math equation to infer that it was about a farm simply from the fact*** that 85% of cheesy holiday movies are about farms. Where’s the originality?! Not in the title. We can tell you right now, it’s not in the movie itself. You know what? They gave it to the baby cow. Don’t worry, that’ll make sense later…
***While the word “fact” was used, we don’t actually know if this is a real fact. 85% just sounds about right judging from how many cheesy holiday movies we’ve seen. No one call the percentage fact police on us, okay, we make this shit up as we go, it’s part of our wickedly talented charm.
Here at The Hokey Holiday Review, we make fun of your favorite cheesy holiday movies! Don’t get it twisty-turny, we love us some good ol’ fashioned holiday magic! But come on, the amount of cheese served in these things warrants, like, a whole bus of Tostito’s Scoops, know what I’m saying? We’re judgy, we’re goofy, we’re here to have a good time! Kick back, put your laughing pants on (or no pants, we support it!), and let’s get hokey!
