Who here loves them some fucking PIE?! Dudes…pie is my muthafuckin’ JAM. In the sense that it’s awesome, not actual jam. But jam is delicious too! Has anyone ever put jam on or in a pie? I’ve never seen it, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a thing, I mean I’m pretty brilliant and somewhat cultured, but I can’t have come across everything in the world in my young life, ya know? Actually, pie filling is kind of like jam, right? It has basically all the same ingredients. But it’s called “filling” and not “jam” so maybe it’s just different enough? Actually, here in the English language, we like to pointlessly use as many words as possible to all mean the same thing, so who knows, maybe they are the same. ANYWAY, I’m basically Dean Winchester level of loving pie. If you don’t know who that is, you have 15 years of TV to catch up on. Bring a fan to cool yourself down, TRUST ME. I loved this movie because it includes some of my favorite things! Pie is one of them (as we’ve already established). The other is holding long grudges filled with petty child-like behavior. Letting bygones be bygones and leaving the water under the bridge is nice and all. But alternatively, have you tried basking in the ultimate satisfaction of never letting go of a grudge and being as petty as possible while you’re doing it? *chef’s kiss* Perfection. If you haven’t you should give it a try! Your soul will only get a little black. Don’t tell me you’ve never scraped that tiny bit of mold off your bread while telling yourself that it’s still fine to eat. It’s basically the same thing. Just take that knife and give your heart a little scrub and you’ll be right as rain! Hit that play button and let’s pie war it up!
Here at The Hokey Holiday Review, we make fun of your favorite cheesy holiday movies! Don’t get it twisty-turny, we love us some good ol’ fashioned holiday magic! But come on, the amount of cheese served in these things warrants, like, a whole bus of Tostito’s Scoops, know what I’m saying? We’re judgy, we’re goofy, we’re here to have a good time! Kick back, put your laughing pants on (or no pants, we support it!), and let’s get hokey!
