Let’s talk about New Year’s Resolutions. Sorry…I think they are called goals now? Does anyone ever actually follow their resolutions..sorry..goals? Who even decided that every new year comes with resolutions (FUCK…GOALS)? Who decided that at the beginning of every new year everyone needs to do better? Why do we need to be better? Am I not good enough? Am I not funny enough? Or pretty enough? Or talented enough? We’ve already been through SO much bullshit in the year that’s ending….we are going to go through SO much bullshit this year….why pile on resolutions we are going to give up in February. SHIT. THEY ARE CALLED GOALS. How many of you sons of bitches signed up for a gym membership that you’re not going to use for at least 11 of the 12 months of the year? See, this is silly! It’s time for us to take a stand! Down with the resolutions! Down with the goals! And while we are at it DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY! ANARCHY! Do not have aspirations, or dreams, or goals. Just keep living your mediocre life in your mediocre body with your mediocre job. What I’m trying to say is that you should just keep sucking at everything for another 365 days. As someone wise once told me….”None of this matters and then you die!” Wait…that was a little dark. Let’s walk it back. I’m just saying that these days we live through are hard enough and we don’t need the added pressure to accomplish something new when we can barely tie our shoes every day. Sometimes, we’re just doing our best. SOOO….I decline to have resolutions this year. I say NO MORE RESOLUTIONS! OR GOALS! OR WHATEVER! Wait…shit…by not having resolutions is that in and of itself a resolution? Is there no way out of having a resolution? Ahhhh, fuck. I’ll try again next year.
Here at The Hokey Holiday Review, we make fun of your favorite cheesy holiday movies! Don’t get it twisty-turny, we love us some good ol’ fashioned holiday magic! But come on, the amount of cheese served in these things warrants, like, a whole bus of Tostito’s Scoops, know what I’m saying? We’re judgy, we’re goofy, we’re here to have a good time! Kick back, put your laughing pants on (or no pants, we support it!), and let’s get hokey!
