In this episode I'm talking about my understanding of what you will hear some people refer to as our inner critic and imposter syndrome. I'm really not a fan of the term "imposter syndrome" as I believe that is it actually fear and it's more helpful for healing to call it fear rather than label it as a "syndrome".
My inner critic has been very loud in the past and it mainly centred around my body. I am fat and I have always been fat. I knew this because of things my mother said, other people said and how society in general tells us that slim is acceptable, fat is not. I turned to food to fill the hole of not feeling acceptable and I wore big clothes to hide my body. Obviously as I got bigger the clothes got bigger and I became more noticeable which is the paradox of binge eating for comfort and wanting to be hidden. It makes life, feelings and relationships feel really complicated and lonely.
In the past, around all these body issues, has been shame and during my healing work I came to realise that my mean inner critic, that told me I should hide my body, that I shouldn't wear a bikini, that I shouldn't wear a vest top, was actually trying to shield me from the mean words and actions of others. If it got me to hide and cover up I wouldn't be subjected to as much ridicule. It was trying to protect me. That was such a big thing to learn. So the work is to try and understand what our inner critic is trying to protect us from and when we realise this we can start to heal.
I have found such joy, such acceptance and freedom to be myself that I now want to bring this to others. If you needed to hear this today, let me know what struck a chord with you.
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Production: Jay Herbert
Original music: Jay Herbert and Alex Ware
