Hey sis! As we dive into today’s topic, I must share the inspiration. A few weeks ago, I finally caught the Hillsong documentary. Whew, girl. It was a lot. From the structure of power, to coverups of sexual misconduct and abuse, to volunteers being overworked and more. When I say there was so much going on behind the scenes, it was. (I won’t even get into Brian Houston, the founder and his daddy, sis. Not today.) But a big focal point of the piece was former pastor, Carl Lantz. With his dynamic speaking, charismatic personality, an appearance that is more relatable to “the culture” than what you may see in a traditional church, I can see why many were drawn to him. Lantz was dubbed a “celebrity pastor”, who baptized Justin Bieber and Kevin Durant. Other celebs, from actors, to musicians, to athletes and reality stars often frequented his church. However, beyond his youth and superstar appeal, there was even more to Lantz.
Including the well-documented affair that led to his ousting.
There was also an “inappropriate” relationship with his nanny, where his wife caught them in a compromising situation. Although she has decided to stay by her husband’s side, I am quite sure sis has some days where she low-key cursed him out in her head. Albeit he appears repentant and they are working through reconciliation, I know it has got to be tough. As I watched the story unfold, it made me think about how do we protect our relationships from infidelity? Is it possible to cheat-proof your marriage? If a breach of trust is broken, how do you rebuild that trust? Should you even attempt to reconcile? When intimacy is lacking, what are ways to restore it? How does conflict affect sexual connection?
As I viewed the documentary, I noted something else: women being held responsible for the sexual satisfaction of their husbands. Now, the Bible says the woman’s body belongs to the husband and vice versa; so why was the onus put on the women? I hope the men got together and spoke about why foreplay starts before you enter the bedroom. If not, consider this a suggestion to pass along. Did they ever chop it up about how intimacy is beyond hot, sweaty sex? Did they emphasize the importance of safe-guarding themselves from falling prey to sexual temptation outside their marriage? Bottom, line? On the outside looking in, it seemed like the power dynamics of the patriarchy wanted women to carry the bedroom burdens! I had moments when I was like, “Now, Jesus, what’s goin’ on up in this place?”
I had questions. A lot of them.
So I reached out to Aleisha Olatunde, who is a Mental Health Counselor who also works in sex therapy and coaching. Previously, she and I discussed the saints and sex, including the focus on purity culture that is so prevalent in many of our faith spaces. But what about when the issue is keeping the marriage bed pure and undefiled (Hebrews 13:4)? Aleisha and I discuss ways for couples to increase the chance of having a faithful union. She is also candid on the contributing factors as to why a partner may step out - whether it’s the husband or wife. What about recovering from an affair; is it possible? Well, sis we get into that and more. So whether you’re married, divorced, engaged, dating or single, this is a conversation that is necessary when it comes to being #MarriedAF.
Married and faithful.
