A Paul Washer sermon excerpt was sent me this morning on the topic of dating and marriage. Given the fact that I'm writing a book on marriage right now, I was keen to give a listen and consider what he had to say. If you'd like to hear the sermon in its entirety, you can find the link I was sent here.
Suffice to say for the purposes of this discussion, however, I found many things to agree with, but plenty also that I cannot agree with because a certain conflation of tradition, convention, and personal opinion seems to be getting all mixed up with what God's Word actually says, and the whole lot packaged together and delivered as if the whole kit and kaboodle is alike in belonging to the 'Thus sayeth the Lord' category of commands.
When giving dating or marriage advice, particularly to young people, it's critically important that we imitate the example of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:1-16. There he weighs in the subjects of singleness and divorce and both marriage and possible remarriage after being abandoned or else widowed. And one of the really helpful things he does is distinguishing between when what is being relayed is a direct order from the Most High on the one hand, and when what follows is actually Paul's own personal opinion and judgment.
If that Paul can do it, any Paul can. And if any Paul can do it, then we all should. The reason for this is very simple. Wise counsel does not invariably belong in the same category as obedience to explicit commands from God. So also, disregarding even the most well-intentioned of godly counsel, or attempts at the same, should not be cause to call into question the salvation of the one going a different way, or keeping their own counsel.
Not all advice from God's people, even ministers, is either necessary or helpful. Sometimes fallible human beings have to be seen as just that, on both the giving and receiving end of direction.
So also, while Washer is right that dating by Christian young people can certainly be an example of us being conformed to the pattern of this world rather than being transformed by the renewal of our minds in Christ Jesus, that is by no means the only possible expression. Going with the flow can also, particularly in more white collar circles, take the form of insisting that the most spiritual and wisest course is for young people to finish their 4-year degree programs and invest 4-5 years into their career before marrying.
Something to keep in mind these days especially is the undue burden we may unnecessarily place on our children and other young people as they come of age in the midst of economic conditions here in the U.S. and around the world which have little to nothing to do with their own choices or contributions, but rather should be blamed entirely on older folks having spent their children's and grandchildren's future on lavish programs and projects to make themselves comfortable. In such a climate, the prospect of shaming and browbeating young men in particular for wanting to marry younger than the older folks would prefer seems not only downright cruel, but frankly unbiblical as well, albeit in a different and distinct way from dating scene.
That is to say, yes. Dating as the world does it finds no support in the Scriptures, and the principles and truths we do find in Scriptures cast an unflattering light on the feature of our modern American popular culture. Let's just not be so quick to presume we know categorically that 35-years old is how old our sons and daughters need to be before we will say "Yeah that's right!" concerning their adherence to the admonition found in Song of Solomon.
"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases."
