I wanted to share with you a little bit more about my healing journey - well more specifically the start of it. So I went to therapy under the impression or understanding that I was upset about one issue - that my sister was being a bitch to my husband and no one else was seeing this or understanding why this was hurtful to my husband and harmful to our relationship. So like I said I started going to therapy every week, and in my therapy appointments, I was basically just filling my therapist in on the dynamics in my family of origin.
When I was in college, I took a marriage and psychology course that really opened my eyes to how relationships ideally work. I had many big takeaways from that particular course but one thing that really stood out to me was when the instructor talked about bruises on our hearts. We all have them, and our friends and family oftentimes know where our bruises are. Sometimes our friends and family accidentally find our bruises or unintentionally trigger us. But what we really need to watch out for are the people who know where the bruises on our heart are and they just take their thumb or fist and dig into the bruise, leaving us in excruciating pain.
That to me is a perfect analogy for how narcissistic abuse works. The narcissistic loves to know every aspect of your life - your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your insecurities, your style, and they later use that information to hurt you. The personalized nature of narcissistic abuse makes it so that when you share what happened to you, to most people, it may sound like a misunderstanding or that the target of abuse is even being petty, but to you, it’s an excruciating pain, a deep betrayal. This is how the narcissist is able to gaslight people who are intelligent and sophisticated. When everyone around you is telling you that something that bothers you is not a big deal or that you are overreacting or you are being highly sensitive, then yeah, you’re going to start doubting yourself. You’re going to start ignoring your gut feelings, you’re going to rationalize your gut screaming you as just being anxious, crazy or “too sensitive” but the reality, the truth is that you’re being abused.
As I distanced myself from everyone, I started having more and more memories bubble up of times in which I felt scared, threatened, bullied, afraid, alone, unwanted, and unloved. In a sense, I felt like I had not only told my parents and siblings at this point that they were hurting the bruises on my heart, I felt like they had set up camp at the base of my heart and were taking shifts digging their thumb into some of the deepest bruises, insecurities, and fears that I have.
Questions about narcissistic abuse or narcissistic abuse recovery you would like to have answered on the show? Send an email to katie@elevatedaura.com You can also schedule a complimentary 1:1 30-minute session with Katie by visiting elevatedaura.com.
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