I wanted to talk to you about becoming a homeowner. Because I learned something about myself and healing from narcissistic abuse that I wasn’t expecting. But that’s trauma for you - it always bubbles up when you least expect it to.
One feeling I experienced when we closed on the house was not just a fear or talking about it because I didn’t want to be portrayed as bragging, but there was a part of me that was afraid to share the good news in my life because it felt too good to be true. Part of me just kept waiting for something to go wrong or for all of this goodness to go away at any second.
But that whole waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling. That attitude of everything is too good too perfect, is a trauma response.
For those of us who had a painful or traumatic childhood, moving deeper into commitment or starting a family can bring up a lot of fear.
I know in my life buying a house means that my husband took one step closer to becoming parents. We’re not actively trying to conceive yet, but knowing that that step is one day closer freaks me out.
My head starts to swirl with doubts and questions like:
The fact that you and I are worried about repeating our family history says it all - that awareness means we are already breaking the cycle. Making a choice to break the cycle is the most courageous thing you could ever do.
How sad would it be if we let our past prevent us from having a beautiful future?!
When I tell you that you can’t heal in a toxic environment, this is why.
You have no clue what kinds of stories you’re telling yourself about what you can and can’t accomplish in life if you’re still around the people who put that limiting narrative in your mind in the first place.
One activity that can help you get a better sense of the stories you’re telling yourself is to get them out of your head and on to paper.
Make a list of qualities that you think describe you, as well as a list of other perceived truths you have in your mind when it comes to food, relationships, money, sex, health, career, and more. Really challenge yourself to question everything on these lists and see if there's a new narrative ready to be birthed.
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