You may have noticed - maybe not - but I did not have a new episode last week. I could have forced an episode out of myself - I almost did, but that’s the old version of me that I’m trying to consciously shed. The one who has to produce content to be validated, to feel worthy. But then I remembered why I started this podcast to begin with - it was to share an honest, keyword honest, story of what my healing journey looks like.
Last week I felt so broken, just so far back in my healing journey that I questioned what I was doing working in the wellness space, I questioned if I was pushing toxic positivity, and then that spiraled into questioning my worth, my lovability, and then the big one underneath it all: Why wasn’t I good enough or lovable enough for my mom or dad to care about me enough to not let estrangement happen? What was so magical about my four siblings that made them worthy of love, of boundaries, respect, etc. but I could just be tossed aside like a piece of garbage?
My inner child - the Katie who is 5, 6, 7 years old, maybe younger, still doesn’t understand why mommy and daddy are not around. She doesn’t fully understand what happened to everyone she knew, why they just left her, and she’s scared that she’s not ready to take care of herself. So when she gets triggered, it’s my job as the adult version of Katie to step in and be my own inner child’s parent.
It’s my job to hold her, hug my inner child, make sure she’s fed, make sure she’s doing things she likes and that brings her peace, inspiration, and happiness. It’s my job as the adult version to make sure that my inner child knows that they kept me safe and helped me survive to adulthood - she did such a fucking fantastic job. But now it’s my turn to take care of her. It’s my turn to make sure she’s had water, that she knows her beauty, her intelligence, her self-worth.
So I went swimming - water and music are really the two biggest mood stabilizers in my life.
In this episode I want to remind you why it's so important to be gentle with you. There’s a whole world that your inner child had to face without the knowledge that you now have, without the confidence, the tools, and the support.
As hard as it may be in the moment, I challenge you during those times when you question your worth, your lovability, your career, how far you’ve come in your own healing journey to stop and ask: what does my inner child need from me? And give yourself permission to treat your inner child like you would your own child or a beloved pet.
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