Today on the show we’re talking about fall, the upcoming holiday season, and how just like that, like clockwork, I’ve noticed feelings of guilt, shame, and even jealousy pop up in my life. And I know it’s all related to my healing journey from narcissistic abuse.
So I wanted to just share a little bit how I’m feeling, how I’m trying to self-soothe and catch myself and then I wanted to share 5 tips with you on how to navigate the next several months, because it’s not only heating up astrologically. But for survivors of narcissistic abuse, especially survivors of familial narcissistic abuse who have gone no contact like I have, fall essentially is the kick off of the time of year in which you may or may not be dodging toxic relatives. It’s Hoover Season. When the guilt trips and the flying monkeys come out of the woodwork.
And really this toxic season starts with back to school.
I have been no contact with my family of origin since 2019. The 2022 holiday season then will be my fourth without my family of origin -and as you may have noticed based on the dates; my estrangement has existed before, during and after a global pandemic. In other words, this was not a rash decision; it was not a decision made without a lot of thought, care, and yes, even prayer.
Yet as the holiday season of 2022 inches closer and closer, I find myself wanting to run, hide and cry. I’m still a little angry. Not nearly as angry as I used to be, but this situation sucks. Having narcissistic parents sucks. Having narcissistic siblings sucks. Being the cycle breaker in a family with generational trauma, sucks.
But the alternative? To stay trapped in a toxic environment where I questioned my lovability, where I felt sorry for those who had to interact with me? Where my needs and wants were ignored and mocked?
That’s worse in my mind.
Is estrangement, going no contact painful? Yes. Abosfuckinglutely. But It lessens each year; so much so that it catches me off guard sometimes - the lack of guilt, shame.
But the pain of living in an environment where you’re not valued and loved unless you’re doing something for someone else? It was literally killing me. I drank too much. I either ate nothing or binged so I could vomit. I was promiscuous and feared for my life on more than one occasion; I was in over my head and all I did was fantasize about running away, driving at speeds that would make James Bond blush.
All of that went away when I went no contact. Not necessarily overnight, but it hit me a year or so ago that since I got married in 2018, I have not fantasized about running away, driving until I couldn’t go any further since then. I’m also sober now - it will be three years without a drop of alcohol this December.
I own my own business, I’ve become a certified spiritual life coach, a western tropical astrologer, a breathwork practitioner, I own a house, adopted a dog, like my life improved in so many ways when I went no contact that it feels like an anvil was cut off my back or something. Like I just feel like I am flying, thriving
But like I said, it was like the calendar turned to September and boom I hit my fall wall. And as much as I would love to just wipe all of this away as just a severe dislike of sweater weather, I know my anxiety, my feelings of guilt, shame and jealousy, have to do with what’s coming up: the holiday season.
So I wanted to share 5 ways to not just survive but THRIVE this holiday season
Tip #1: Create a Holiday Plan
Tip #2: Block Toxic Narcissistic Relatives & Flying Monkeys
Tip #3: Start Healthy Habits, Healing Behaviors Now
Tip #4: Move Your Body, Drink Lots of Water
Tip #5: Be Extra Gentle with Yourself
#selflove #podcast #narcabuse #narcissisticabuse #blacksheep #nocontact #scapegoat #toxicfamily #generationaltrauma #mentalhealth #hoover #holidayhoover #estranged
