Perhaps that's the lesson we are to learn when our prayers aren't answered while other's are. Our loved one is not healed, and someone far from God is. I don't think this is a punitive thing on God's part. But it may be a lesson to others about the far reach of God's grace and the breadth of his love.
When we do receive the special touch of God's grace we can be deeply thankful that God looked upon us with his favor. We don't deserve it. That's the nature of grace after all. But it is so sweet when we do receive it. That's because Jesus knew who he was, remained true to his true identity, and deeply connected with people who received his grace in humble faith.
Lord give me such a humble faith, so I can define myself as one loved by you and connected with you for all eternity.