In this week’s episode, Kellie and Claire discuss the nuanced topic of friendship: particularly how making (and maintaining) friendships evolves the older you get. They share some of their best qualities they offer in friendship. They take a look at how each Enneagram type needs to feel connected with a friend. Finally, they discuss whether or not the difficulties/opportunities they have when constantly curating relationships is strengthening and growing them or if it is depleting/draining them.
Advice Not Given
- Kellie shares from a lengthy email that hit our inboxes from a fellow military spouse who relates her struggle with making friends in a new duty station. There’s a lot to do in her area; there are a lot of people and opportunities, but nonetheless she has still struggled to be patient in the waiting period for deep friendships.
- Claire talks about TIME; how long does it take to create a bond? Is it quick or slow? What is a reasonable or predictable timeline to allow yourself to grow into a new friendship?
- Consider personal boundaries, levels of introversion and extroversion, as well as the amount of time and energy resources you may have available as you begin new relationships. There is the added complexity of how long you or a potential new friend may both be living in the same area before one of you moves. There is also a distinction between in real life (IRL) friends and those we keep up with digitally through social media.
- Claire makes a distinction between FRIENDLY and REAL FRIEND. She admits that she spends a lot of time and energy being FRIENDLY (Bible study friends, groups she hosts) which she loves. But to her, there is a difference between that and having “Golden Girl” or “Bosom Buddy” kinds of friends.
- Kellie asks if there is a big difference between living in a heavily populated military community versus one that is not as “culturally aware” of military life when it comes to making friends? This may or may not necessarily a good or bad thing; just another layer of consideration.
- “Don’t discount what you are going through in your life…” is something Kellie wants to be sure our friend knows. It’s okay to admit that and give yourself some grace. Do watch for your ego and the story/narrative you’re telling yourself.
- As we age, different seasons call for different availability we have to offer ourselves in friendships. Claire shares about how as she is getting older and kids are growing up it can feel isolating because gone are the days of playdates when you get facetime with other moms; now you’re in your car chauffeuring everyone around.
- Kellie asks if making friends was easier when we were younger or if it’s gotten harder as we have gotten older. Claire says it’s always been easy to make friends but NOT easy to make time for friendships. Kellie thinks it’s gotten harder as she “flexes” between introvert and extrovert.
- Claire laments her carefreeness of her younger days which she says she used to be more friendly. Kellie adds that it is scientifically proven that the older we get the harder it gets to make friends.
- As we age, we put ourselves last--behind our kids, our spouses, our households. When you move a lot you HAVE to have people to rely on. As we move, Kellie poses the question of whether or not the experience strengthens us and helps us grow or depletes/drains us?
- Claire offers that one upside to moving is that you do get frequent opportunities to re-evaluate what you
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